Growing Out of Friendship: The Failures Before the Silver Lining

Growing Into Yourself 

When we were younger, we took advantage of everything we could. Naive, unknowing, and free. The times when making friends was based solely on a conversation about a mutual obsession like Percy Jackson or a soccer team. We would make friends with similar circumstances or classes. Sometimes those friendships last lifetimes and other times they just falter away, or you screw up because you're young and don’t place so much value on everything yet. Best case scenario you learn how to grow with each other rather than apart. However, circumstantial friends are circumstantial friends for a reason. As much as it hurts many to hear, including myself, some friendships are only ever meant for certain phases of your life. We try to hold on, but eventually you can no longer fight for something no longer right for you. We evolve year by year and that’s truly why the test of time makes or breaks all friendships. If a tell-tale sign of friendship is how much you value the other person. Then are you willing to value the different versions of that person throughout the years? Begs the question. 

Values and Change 

A lot of us aren’t willing to accept change in our lives, so when it comes to the people around us changing, we cave. And now, all of a sudden, the girl you used to virtually hang out with every day for a year ends up getting married and moving to Pennsylvania and you realize that you hadn’t talked to her in 5 years. The harsh truth is that many people can be right for you at a time in your life and no longer right for you a year later. And resisting the change won’t stop it; it’ll just make it all the more apparent. You either move alongside the riptide of change or let your bones wash up on the shore because of it. However, this change usually doesn’t come from nowhere. Usually, you have a shift in values. It is often quiet, unspoken but when clarity hits a wave a truth comes with it. A person who values communication and friendships maintaining a friendship with a non-communicative friend who is self-isolated and selfish 9 times out of 10 isn’t going to work. And when your friends evolve and change, chances are you'll reach back out in 3 years, and they're a completely different person. Which, in its own way, is beautiful because you get to meet the new version of that person. Either way, it goes without saying that you should always be your own best friend, because no one accepts you as you change like you do. Because, when it comes to yourself do you really have a choice? 

Getting To the Point 

We're all looking for that person that sticks around throughout all the seasons, even if you're a jackass for some of the seasons. That person to drink coffee with on the porch while your annoying husband screams in the background for you to come inside because it's too cold. As your best friend flicks him off through the window. I have failed many times in the pursuit of friendship, some of the times being my own fault. And that’s perfectly fine for me to admit. But either way, one thing I always knew: I always wanted the mythical best friend. The girl you met in art class in grade school who’s now serving in your wedding 20 years later as the maid of honor. But that’s a rare case and those friendships can be actually pretty toxic when you look beneath the surface because they are holding onto each other for all the wrong reasons. Or their actually perfect, which is even more demeaning. But if they took the time to nurture their relationship and understand what each other need in a friendship over the years then it is not surprising that they lasted. In the end, just like finding a romantic partner, finding your tribe or true friends takes learning to accept and, of course, learning from all those failures before finding the “one”. Alot of people are still looking too; don't be fooled.